Fascinating post, and I think this is a problem that a lot of parents face.

I tend to be more didactic as a parent. By which I mean, that I will allow my own teenage son (a young athlete) to identify the pros and cons himself and then add my own view of certain potential consequences that he might not have foreseen.

I don’t make the decision for him, but I want to ensure he’s fully informed. And then I ask him whether he thinks it will matter one way or the other, when he’s say, 20 years old. My assumption is that this gives him a sense of perspective and it seems to work. He generally laughs and says it won’t make any difference and does what he thinks is best for him.

In your example, I can’t imagine that missing one event is really going to have an impact on whether someone gets a college scholarship, but then I’m in the UK where things are different.

The priority (or so it seems to me) is to keep them going through their teens which are difficult enough anyway (for both boys and girls) and trusting that the opportunities will arise.